young love.. cinnfull ramblings

Then 2000

Now 2008

Derk and I have recently celebrated 8 years of marriage. in recent conversations the subject of relationships etc and as we spoke on that subject it got me thinking.

Have you ever stopped to evaluate the loves of your youth? Took stock of mistakes, failures and close calls? If not I truly suggest it. For me this process reminded me of why experiencing that pain was now well worth it because I was forced through that pain to truly assess what I was doing because of the pain I was causing myself.

The things I learned from looking back.

1.Men that are not so nice can sense a woman who are vulnerable or hurting. They know your pain and will given the chance use the pain your in to further inflict pain on you in various ways. or at least try to get a little nookie.

2.Read the book and the cover, I say this because a mans appearance does matter to us women yet in future years the inside of that book will matter a whole lot more.

My husband is a prime example of getting past the cover to see the wonderful person inside. Now though not hideous derrick looked like everything I was trying not to date. He had long hair, he was transient and seemed to be listlessly passing through this world. He seemed to care not for daily things and only wanted to play in the sun and have fun.

How far from the truth this turned out to be. yes, he is still fun loving and youthful. yet the man I know now is hard working almost workaholic who takes his responsibilities to heart. Though we have yet to hit easy street we have always made it through mostly unscathed. he has been a wonderful provider and friend these last 8 yrs. my only regret with him was not waking up sooner to how great of a guy he really is.

3. Never settle for the guy because you have history or even for love. Love is work but work does not include loosing your self worth or your physical safety.

If he is abusive or neglectful leave. Now there are signs of this behavior long before it goes terribly wrong. things like love taps because you did something he didn't like, controlling behavior etc.

Trust me the pain of leaving him will fade long before the abuse would ever get better. I know the pain that keeps you there. Yet staying there only makes it worse.

If you have kids that should double your resolve to get out as fast as you can, they have the right to grow up in a house in which there mother is not hurt emotionally or physically. Love yourself and them enough not to stay.

4.Live for today but have hope for tomorrow. I find one thing that keeps me so happy in my marriage is that I like to focus on all the wonderful things being with him gives me now . In the past with other men I had relationships with. I was never satisfied with what they had to give even when with at least a few of them it was actually a pretty good life that were offering.

Threes my ramble of the week lol. I have found the last while a very soul searching time so I am sure there Will be more posts like this.

A vacation at last

It's official we will be going on vacation. after 8 years of marriage and 2 kids. I will actually get a vacation!!! I mean i have never even gotten a honeymoon. I am so excited to actually get a chance to get away from things and enjoy ourselves some.



Now this will not be elaborate. The one reason we can afford to go is because we are traveling in my grandfathers mini-van and sharing the costs with him. We won't be staying in hotels and I am sure we will not be trying to afford a major resort, yet there is ton's to do and see with out spending a million dollars.



The best part is we will get to see the family. My aunt Louise is like a mother to me so getting together with her is wonderful!!
Plus Craig's mom Virginia or grandma, who recognises me as her sons only child is 85 still active and vibrant.Visiting her will be exciting!! She has never met my husband and kids. When things were horrible she would always try to help me feel better.
We will also be visiting my god mother Electra.

these are all people who for the last few years i have been unable to see very much. I wish we lived closer to them because i know my time with them is ticking away.I am just so happy to be able to do this i have prayed for it all year knowing the chances are pretty slim that we could find a way.

So have you guys figured out where were going??


Creston california near pisom beach is our main stop but we will also be in LA for a day's stay.

This means beach's and wine country for 10 days!!!

The son who makes me laugh

This is Dallon asleep on our toilet. isn't he sweet.

This is Dallon smiling away. He has over the years done many things to make me laugh at almost every occasion.

This was no exception. Now for the last year Dallon has been unhappy with us for not providing the sister he thinks he is entitled too. For my part I have told him to talk to god about this and I am waiting for him to get back to me on this ROFL.

Well i guess he has now decided that he will have his own baby in pretend world as he calls it.

We watch way to many science shows so he has a pretty good understanding about where babies come from etc..

Well he decided to pretend to give birth to twins a boy and a girl darina and dallon.

Now when i say give birth i mean he laid down in a bean bag but his legs in the air and grunted telling dax to catch his babies. I was DIEING!!!!! then proceeded to breast feed his babies.

when i asked him about this he said that it was just pretend world mom boys cant give have babies for real. ROFLROFLROFL

Thanks for reading i hope you laughed as hard i as i did.

My Dr. Phil Letter

Okay so I have gotten tired lately of all the sad stories written about our autistic children. and really want to share hope with other moms and dads out there with autistic children.

so here's my letter I wrote to Dr. Phil.

Dear Dr. Phil

My name is Joy Neds I am a loving mother too 2 boys Dax 7 and Dallon 6 and I am married to a wonderful husband Derrick. I write today because I am a mother of a 7 year old Autistic child who we luckily got the help for at an earlier than average age. His diagnosis's are ASD, oral evasive, Developmental Speech Apraxia, Hypotonia, and FTT ( seems to be doing better on this one :) ). Our road is still long but instead of fearing it I try too look at as an adventure like no other,I would love to share my message of hope and a light at the end of that dark tunnel mom's who have children with autism face. My sons proof that yes although the path is steep and sometimes with out seeming hope. If we as parents are proactive and do all we can that our children can and do succeed.

As a mom of autistic child I do not have all the answers but maybe some ideas that can help other mothers out there who like me can not afford the 26,000 a year schools or insane therapies that seem to show little results. These are just little things that I feel can help other moms like myself walk this maze called Autism.

Some suggestions for other parents are

1. Children on the spectrum that I have interacted with have done better with parents that are "" lovingly strict"". This means setting clear and strong expectations and guide line for these kids. I find quite a few moms of these kids want to baby them and protect them for the realities of this world. I understand this desire and fight myself with it all the time,yet we have to remember when were gone they need to know how to handle everyday life and responsibilities. We are not just there parents we are there life line into the real world. They need strong structure from us who spend the very most time with.Love your autisic kids enough to believe they to can learn the rules of life.
2. Never allow anyone to tell you as a mom you do not know what's going on with your child.
You are your child's Advocate. If your instinct says over and over too you that something is wrong it likely is.
A.When my son was 6 months old I went to my sons doctor because he had stopped eating almost completely. I felt in my heart that this was not good. The doctor looked at my husband saw he was a small guy and said oh don't worry he is small for size but so is your husband no worries. Hell eat when he is hungry. I then asked but why would a 6 month old stop eating and stop growing. His response is its normal he will be just fine.

I went home feeling stupid and that I was silly to worry so much.

I went back again a few months later and got the same results.

I then decided to go to any other doctor I could find. I was lucky I found Dr. Kuo. To this day although we moved a few years later and no longer use her services that she saved my sons life and mine.

When I went in to her I let her know that he was 13 months and that from 6 month to now he had not grown in any way and that he would only eat a bite of food a day, he had also by then started to speak and then quit.She was immediately proactive. She got us to a wonderful speech and food therapist Dr. Gaylord Pinder at the children's therapy center of Kent Washington. We did 2-3 days a week therapy for both issues, we discovered a wonderful drink that helped him maintain his weight while we worked on his food issues. Dr. Kuo and Gaylord pinder also helped us when my sons early intervention preschool teacher refused to test him for autism citing his age as a major factor against testing ( he was 3 not too young in my view).

They found us wonderful Specialist in the field who evaluated him and helped us decide to move to Utah for better resources for our son.

What I learned from this is that not every doctor is right and that we as parents have the right and responsibility to find out what is really going on.

3. Is we as parents forget to ask for help and give ourselves or others a break.

Now not only do I mean finding things that help you to be happy but also that although ideally a perfectly clean house and such is great so is a house that is clean enough. Find time just to be the fun person even if it is only by rolling around on the floor with your kids.

The other part of this is not always passing judgment on others on how they do things. Every parent has a bad day and all kids are strewn with issues. Do not assume that because my son vocalizes in a store or an elevator or does crazy stunts with condiments. That I am a bad / inattentive parent.Parents of autistic deal with behaviors that would drive a saint insane. My son needs a 5 minute window to do major damage to my house. He is smart and sneaky, combine that with the crazy autistic behaviors and the disasters are too numerous to count!! I am considered over protective and a strict mom by most accounts, I do not believe in corporeal punishment but I believe my job is clearly to teach them right from wrong. Even my son who has done a ton of therapy over the years does crazy things.

The final word of advice is...

Learn to laugh at those major messes and things your children will do.

My sons messes have left me and my husband in stitch's more times than not.

One in particular is a living legend in our house. about 5 months ago my son decided to start hoarding items. I unfortunately am not a supper observant person and did not notice my food storage jars of Curry and taco seasoning and chili powder were gone. nor did i notice that the fire extinguishers we had had disappeared. I have since noticed he like to hide things over months at a time for future use. He used these items he had hoarded at the time to decorate the basement where his room is with both fire extinguishers and all the BULK spices. when i discovered this he was covered like a curry and white covered ghost.Now i had two reactions one was desperation over the disaster i was going to have to clean up.The other was pure laughter. Now i know not to laugh at this kind of behavior around my child but I had to find a quick place to die laughing over this picture i had of my son covered in that stuff.

Now i am not saying don't get mad they need the limits set and to know that they are responsible for there behaviors but take time to also enjoy the funny thing these kids do,

Thanks
Joy Neds

Sweet little boy's

Photo session June 11Th 2007

So on Friday while waiting for our play date to start I decided

to do some

quick photo's of the boys.Dax is seen her relaxing against a tree limb. He is quite afraid of heights

so this was as high as he was willing to go.Here is Dallon being a monkey. He loved posing and took many more shots than his brother did. I love this photo, this really shows dax's personality. His smile is not a

cheesy grin but it always makes me smile. lol.

This photo captures the more serious side of Dallon. He can be so serious when you least expect it from him. this photo makes me want to hug him tight lol, for it tells me he will not be a little boy forever.Here's my dashing young man being coy and giving his i am up to something sly smile. If i see this smile I know!! He has done something he was not supposed to .
I hope these photo's inspire you to go climb a tree and remember what it was like when playing ruled your world.

CINN

Summer Break is here again....

We recently used some of our summer funds to buy a pool for the kids to play in this summer.

This has made our house very popular. Both boys seem to really love having friends over and i get to keep a very close eye out for my cuties. MUHAHAH my master plan is working MUHAHAHHA

Dallon of course Love's Girls and will go out of his way to spend time with them. He is seen here with the only girl in the pool. Gotta love a boy with priorities.

Dallon can be seen here learning how to breath under water. Or at least he thinks he is breathing under water I call it holding my breath. I just hope he doesn't actually try to suck air under there.

Obviousely he survived for this shot. Taken yet again with the Cutie patootie.
Dax just had to ham it up with his cherry face.

Dallon can be seen here retreating from the depths of cold.

Have a CinnFull Day!!

Days of School

Day's Of School Gone by....

As will happen school has ended for my little men.
I am amazed at how fast this time has passed.

Seems only yesterday I was in tears after

leaving them at school for the first time.

Hoovering close by just to make sure they were okay.

Now they are ending this year and my worries have

dissipated in the winds of time.

I have found a new more

confident boys who have learned friendship and

much more in there 2007/2008 school year.

Our Photo Journal

Dax's School experience 2007/2008

This Year Dax Was in 1st Grade. Mrs. Call was his Teacher.

She was a dedicated teacher for 2 years at Spectrum.

2008/2009 will find her absent from our hall's.

I know she will be missed dearly

One of Dax's Favorite people this year was Mrs. Sue.

She always had a great smile and seemed to

really love being with the kids at Spectrum.

Things Dax learned this year

1.Playing with friends relieves stress

2.Too Boogie takes your whole body

4.Keep trying you just might succeed.

5.Swinging a ball is more fun than it looks

Dallon's Kindergarten Year

This year Dallon was in Mrs. Booth's Class.

She was a wonderful teacher for him to get his first years.

She was patient and loving always telling us how wonderful Dallon was to have around.

Dallon really seemed to thrive in her class. I am thankful he had such a positive experience and i am sure next years teacher will have big shoes to fill.

Dallon's Accomplishment's

This year Dallon Was awarded Student of the month for his class.

He was very proud of this achievement.

As you can tell he felt the need to Ham

it up for the camera, showing that wonderful personality that is Dallon

Graduation

On June 2ND Dallon officially Graduated Kindergarten.
He had a winning smile the whole time. I think he could have floated through the air during the graduation ceremony

Here he is our little 1st grader... Sniff Sniff.

Things Dallon learned this year.

1.6:30 is ungodly.

2.Making friends is fun

3. saying you dont have homework

when you do get's you in trouble.

4. Always smiling makes you a lot of friends

Coconut.....

Why is it that the things i love the most hate me!!!

I love coconut a love coconut milk fresh from, the fresh coconut.
So of course i have to develop breathing and hives from this wonder full fruit at age 30 after years of an addiction to this wonder of nature.

The little girl in me can not seem to resist i know its bad but some how i think well maybe this time, i can finally have a reprieve from this horrible reaction. i will eat this and nothing will happen. Stupid, absolutely. Silly, yup.

Yet i find myself doing this over and over again. maybe some day i will be able to resist this forbidden fruit until then I will keep my Benadryl close by.

Time with my husband.

Tuesday was my 8th anniversary of marrying the man I love.

Yes he is generally like having a 3rd son laying around but all those quirks are part of what i like about him . I am still truly grateful I was able to see this diamond of a man who was in front of me even if i did not always see him.


For me this anniversary was so different than any of the others we spent together. Normally we would argue over where to go or spend so much time trying to arrange babysitting and at the end of the day I would leave the day feeling disappointed.

I guess I am a romantic since really what I am generally disappointed in is that no flowers were given and he doesn't plan ahead well enough that we could do anything fabulous. Of course ending the night in each others arms saying sweet nothing the whole time. I should just face facts he is just not a romantic guy, he hold no jealousy and yet I know he loves me in everything he doesn't say. Still I can not seem but to help feeling disappointed most of the time when he does no gestures of love like flowers. I am working on this since I know that's who he is and I married him so I need to get over it!!!

So this time i went in trying to not expect anything.

This time we planned nothing!! We did nothing extraordinary spent very Lil money on the anniversary itself and we had a fabulous time!!! Strange how that works lol. I asked for very little and did not expect him to read my mind lol.

So here's what we did,

So the night before derrick asks me what I would like for our anniversary( my procrastinator last minute every time lol), so instead of gifts( saving for dax means I am being quite cheap on wants, needs fine, wants not so much) I asked him him to sluff work and just spend the day with me. I knew there was a chance he couldn't but that's all I really wanted!!

So the next morning he calls his boss and says I'm skipping work today I will just use a vacation day :) his boss was fabulous and said do what you need to do. ( he can be a pain but he can also be awesome!!!)

So we finished getting the kids ready for school. And drove dax off to school together ( Jenn carpools with us and takes Dallon to school daily such a good thing for us ) We spent about a half hour there delivering Avon orders and such. We went to Dee's ( in Bountiful) for breakfast and while there decided to talk about the garden we are planning this summer and what supplies we really need. Like wood,gating,lawn mower so were not always borrowing some one Else's . So we decided to got to the DI in bountiful since there the best for lawn care and we may be able to find pot's for flowers etc... Luckily we found a push mower ( we have to mow as part of our lease but had no mower or any supplies for that matter) Now I am sure if my husband had his way completely we would have a gas mower but the cost to run and maintaining a gas mower is a lot higher than a push mower. This mower was in excellent condition and will sever us nicely. So looked around some more and we found 3 pot's for plants. I also found some great educational books for dax and Dallon for the summer.

On the way home we remembered that spring clean up has started in the valley. Once a year you can throw out big things even washing machines, tree's construction items etc.. and the city will pick them up on your designated day. I swear most people plan there project's around this date, Well as they say some people's trash everyone Else's treasure. For us this hold very true, wood is very expensive as is a lot of things right now so for us this can be a savings bonanza!!

So we looked all over the valley trying hard to find wood, etc. BOY did we get lucky. By the time we were done. We found nice garden gates, lattice, a perfect frame for our garden, round wood steaks to help keep our dog from digging. We also found to our surprise connect able flooring it is dirty but can easily be cleaned off and our garage is a dirt floor do this will be very nice for us this should complete at least a good portion of the garage floor.We found enough wood that derrick can make the skate board ramps he has been wanting to make.

On the way home we stopped at 2 more DI's finding more educational books ( so the tutor has things to work on with him with out the extreme expense!! We also found a pair of work boots for DH.)

We then stopped for pizza for the kids since we had home made honey baby back ribs in the slow cooker waiting at home, I made Garlic Parmesan mashed potatoes when i got home and walla a nice meal with my spouse .

We finished unloading his work van and then showered and fell asleep in each others arms. Now to some this doesn't sound romantic but to be honest it was wonderful!!! I can not say I have enjoyed a day more in many years and I was alone all day with my husband. :) ( and despite what others thought no intimate time just a good cuddle and really good well earned sleep!!)

All told we spent $60.00 and we got a lot of needs taken care of and now have a wonderful memory to go with it.

Summer break is ......

So close you can almost smell it. I am both excited about this and a little bit in fear of this event. Where did this come from where has the year gone??

This year was different than previous years. With both my children in school all day I have had freedoms I have not experienced since my single days. I have liked having them gone but missed the sounds of a house full of children and all that entailed.

Now with this week Dallon's school is out for testing, which means Dallon will not have any school this week and will be out till Tuesday.

With these days off he has exactly 5 full days of school left with 2 half days thrown in for good measure.

I find with him being home, the noises not as endearing as i once did and the million questions asked a a bit over whelming. I love him yet those super whys are on my very last nerve already.

I hope i can survive this thing we call summer break with out breaking my sanity.