Then 2000
Now 2008
Derk and I have recently celebrated 8 years of marriage. in recent conversations the subject of relationships etc and as we spoke on that subject it got me thinking.
Have you ever stopped to evaluate the loves of your youth? Took stock of mistakes, failures and close calls? If not I truly suggest it. For me this process reminded me of why experiencing that pain was now well worth it because I was forced through that pain to truly assess what I was doing because of the pain I was causing myself.
The things I learned from looking back.
1.Men that are not so nice can sense a woman who are vulnerable or hurting. They know your pain and will given the chance use the pain your in to further inflict pain on you in various ways. or at least try to get a little nookie.
2.Read the book and the cover, I say this because a mans appearance does matter to us women yet in future years the inside of that book will matter a whole lot more.
My husband is a prime example of getting past the cover to see the wonderful person inside. Now though not hideous derrick looked like everything I was trying not to date. He had long hair, he was transient and seemed to be listlessly passing through this world. He seemed to care not for daily things and only wanted to play in the sun and have fun.
How far from the truth this turned out to be. yes, he is still fun loving and youthful. yet the man I know now is hard working almost workaholic who takes his responsibilities to heart. Though we have yet to hit easy street we have always made it through mostly unscathed. he has been a wonderful provider and friend these last 8 yrs. my only regret with him was not waking up sooner to how great of a guy he really is.
3. Never settle for the guy because you have history or even for love. Love is work but work does not include loosing your self worth or your physical safety.
If he is abusive or neglectful leave. Now there are signs of this behavior long before it goes terribly wrong. things like love taps because you did something he didn't like, controlling behavior etc.
Trust me the pain of leaving him will fade long before the abuse would ever get better. I know the pain that keeps you there. Yet staying there only makes it worse.
If you have kids that should double your resolve to get out as fast as you can, they have the right to grow up in a house in which there mother is not hurt emotionally or physically. Love yourself and them enough not to stay.
4.Live for today but have hope for tomorrow. I find one thing that keeps me so happy in my marriage is that I like to focus on all the wonderful things being with him gives me now . In the past with other men I had relationships with. I was never satisfied with what they had to give even when with at least a few of them it was actually a pretty good life that were offering.
Threes my ramble of the week lol. I have found the last while a very soul searching time so I am sure there Will be more posts like this.
