My life

Although life is still a struggle I am happier than I have been a very long time. The financial issues have yet to resolve themselves ( I wish we had $3500 because then we could buy off the jerks!!!) Some how though we are scraping by and doing okay at least. No we can not do some of our extra's, yet really we have other things to be very happy about and focus on.

As most of you know Derrick and I always wanted at least one more baby and really Iwas very very close to giving up.
I finally went and found a new O.B. Who looked at all my issues not just one and treated my PCOS ( I lost 35lbs total just from being treated for it!!), My infertility issues and took control of my thyroid issues quiet nicely. This has resulted in a very nice out come.
We are officially pregnant, we are due Sept 17th 2009 ( I need to change my lilypie it is a few days off lol.) . This pregnancy is going quiet nicely. Minimal morning sickness, no real problem. I am healthier than I have been in a long time. After dallon I was truly afraid it would be another terribal shoot be so I can die pregnancy. Luckily this is turning out so far to be the best yet!!
I hope everyone is doing good

Joy
2 boys cuta as can be
1 hubby still in love with me
1 cutie pie soon to be

Life rolls forward

2009 for me seems to be a lesson in trials and tribulations.
My health has improved and I am mostly back to normal. By trial an error we found out that the dose of synthroid I was taking was way to high and was actually causing me to become ill, So we lowered my dose and now i feel much better. The hormones are difficult to handle, yet I know I need them at this point.

Our finances have gone through a nasty cycle. we are currnetly being garnished from a car loan. We voluntarily turned the car in to be honest people. they under sold the car, blue booked for 11000 for 5000, we are now being forced to pay for an additional 11000. after garnishment we have 1000 a month to live on plus my sons ssi 0f 500 leaving, us with not enough to live on. our rent alone is 950. we figure at the rate they are taking the money we will have it paid in 18 months time. needless to say were screwed. unless a small miracle happens i am not sure how we will make it through the next 18 months. even after bills we will have 50 to feed our entire family.
well enough of my pity party I should just be grateful to have great kids and family.
hope this finds all my friends and family in a better spirit than I am.

Life has turns and twists

Have you ever done something that you regretted the second you did?

I am one of those people who have earned every degree of happiness the hard way. I have never taken the road most traveled. I am a self thinker who loves to help others but never to follow another's path.

I have paid for these mistakes in many ways and this week i may yet pay again for things i did as an 18 yr old girl. I am not sure who to be mad at me for the stupidity to allow my self to get in trouble or the people who hold things against me that was done so long ago.

I am mad about this because I did what most woman with my person history do not do.

I changed me. I stopped living in the past and started to move forward. I let go of my anger that society had failed me at every level as a child. I stopped being the problem and started to help others solve there problems.

I do not think my path was the right one or that I should be proud of the things i have done BUT I got to where every one said i could not I AM successful mom who has a future.

I have reached a life that would be foreign to that 18 year old girl that I was 12 years ago.

I paid dearly for those mistakes i made. I lost my life as i knew it and a child who to this day i miss with every fiber of my being. My marriage fell apart and I had to figure out how to start a life alone with no friends and no family support to ease my suffering.

I succeeded and have a life i never dreamed possible 12 years ago, a man who loves and supports me and 2 children who make my very existence worth wild. I went to college and though i never finished that degree I KNOW I WILL!! I found my life course and have worked hard to maintain what i have gained.

For me knowing what i went through ( feel free to read the gory details) to get here, i find it hard to believe i am now going to be prevented from continuing to help and volunteer in my sons school all for misdemeanors ( that do not involve children or hurt anybody else!!) that if i lived in another state would not even come up in the data base!!

As of tonight all my hard work as a mom and as a human basically goes on trial in front of people who i barely know and now have to defend my actions of my youth despite the fact that i am a completely different person than i was 12 years ago.

I will likely now not be allowed to volunteer in the school and will be relieved of my PTO duties effective immediately.

For me this proves that despite a complete life style change i am forever branded by my past despite my change heart and life. I always thought that through hard work and a true change of heart that others will forgive your past. I guess not.

Cinnfull Akeia Creation's

I have been very involved lately with a goal I set about 2years ago when I started going to Farmers markets and selling my custom jewelry. The products sol out faster than i could make them. Yet the cost to dax was high, The time spent selling and not sleeping was just to much for him. So we chose not to continue selling that way for awhile. Instead we decided to get our website ready for business and make more pieces to sell.
All our hard work has paid off and my site is ready and open for business!! I am very excited and wanted to share this with my nearest and dearest friends and family.
I hope you all will check it out and pass the good news on to all your friends and family

My web site is http://www.cinnfullakeiacreations.blogspot.com/ anyone that mentions this post gets 10% off.

More jewelry is coming soon .. Also Lanyards are available just I can not keep up with demand as of yet. lol
CINN

a Love fast

I was reading an article this weekend that intrigued and inspired me to try to explore my loving side.
The basis and theory of this article is to do a love fast..now before going nuts and thinking i mean not getting lovin.
This is more of a giving love diet than anything else.
In life I have found as you give love so shall you receive. Well this diet takes it one step farther.
As people we tend to want reassurances of love and will be unsatisfied when we feel people fail to meet our expectations of how one should show love. We then take that as a sign that we are unloved and that the person in our life that we love so much, loves us not. We as people will tend to get needier and push the ones in our life to make declarations; pushing them even further from us. This is a cycle that can makes us moody and petulant and in the end really push the one we want closest, further and further away until one day we really only end up much further from our goal.

My challenge to myself and even my friends out there is for the next week to abstain from emotional neediness. To show love with no expectations of returned behavior. To give the ones you love a boost of your love.

For those willing to participate by writing about what doing this love fast taught you, I will send a gift to one lucky blogger responder. :)

Sometimes ya feel like a nut

So i have obviousely been quiet lately. I have been fully flying into the face of life.

Since the start of school I have really started investing my time into helping Dax and Dallon's school, Being a v.p of the pto has really been alot of fun and I found i have a passion for libraries and a talent for getting things done.My time is well used and I can tell I am making a difference everyday.

I am also doing a spiritual diet exploring and discovering who i am at my center. it can be scary and at times i fall short yet I can only hope with exploration's of my very being I can be a better mom and learn to love me for all my flaws..

Injuries that make you feel old

This post is my Whining post. I hate to whining as a rule. We all know we do it at times but most like me try to avoid it

For the last year or so my back has been bugging me not enough to disable me but enough that even i knew i needed to be more careful than in years past.

Yesterday as we were getting ready to leave the house i asked Dax and Dallon to put the dog in her kennel so we could leave. I got to the car only to discover that instead they put her in the car. I was very irritated since i was running late anyways. I hate to be late so this will always irritate me.
I picked up the dog and ran her inside and put her into the kennel. as i was putting her in i felt a pull and a little bit of pain, well at 31 little pains are becoming a bit more common so i got into my car and drove to my destinations.

When I got to the school it was a different pain all together. I was having sharper pains and my left leg was very painful. yet again I figured this to shall pass. With book fair next week and really needing to get stuff done for the school, I pushed on. As time went on during the day the pain got worse and worse. at 11:30 I couldn't walk almost at all and finally called derrick to come take me to the doctor.

Derrick of course was pretty irritated but he at least came and got me. When he saw me he was a bit repentant for giving me crap about getting hurt again as he put it.

So we went to the urgent care doctor's office. I was by this point a pile of barely walking crippled poop.

Well to my shock after all the tests were done I did not just pull a muscle I have compressed vertebrae and a pinched nerve, I now need to go see a back specialist and need to do physical therapy to help out with the pain.

Now here's the whiny part until this morning I was fine with all this, until this morning, now I just feel weepy and feel like having a pity party all day long.

I just do not understand why or even how this could have happened. Rolling up into a ball and mooping around the house for the next year sounds like a plan at this moment.

The pain is worse than i had hoped to be this morning and I hate to depend on others to do simple tasks that any body should be able to do. I could not even bend enough this morning to put my pants on. I feel so humiliated to have to ask my husband to help me put my pants on.

If god was aiming for humility I am there right about now.

ahh well maybe tomorrow i will have a grip lol.

Dax's day

I know as a parent I am doing all I can to teach them the rules of life. For each of my children this means different things. Day's like this make me wonder.

Yet as a mom of an autistic child I find that only after there is an issue can we really address the issues. Alot of life's lesson's have to be taught as they come up. normally through a bad behavior that comes years later than most kids.

Dax made some real developmental changes this year that helps me to have hope for his future, yet are making the here and now not so easy.

He came home today from school with a incident report stating that dax open handed slapped another child who was teasing him.

He is also drawing pictures of another child he is very un-fond of & punching him in the picture.

He is also teasing and acting out in alot of social areas.

Now to most parents these are red flags and even to me in some ways they are, yet I am also seeing that dax is finally after years of only crying when picked on and hiding in a corner, Reacting as one would when we are young and inexperienced in how to handle anger and emotions. Even us adults do not always handle these things well.

All Dax has done when hit,punched or teased at school or almost anywhere is cry. everything was tears and nothing more. He had no concept of self to defend. this year he has developed that sense of self and of most social concepts that coexist with it. This is good and bad.

So learning to stand up for himself is actually a wonderful development. handled badly on his part but that I can work on .

I as a mom feel bad for the other child but as dax's mom I think wow he is really developing isn't he!!!

Now for our part we have a no violence policy. We do not use corporeal punishment nor allow violent shows in our house. So due to the violence and general bad behavior, he is being sent to bed early, with only Peanut butter and jelly sand which with milk for dinner. He has also lost all WII time tonight and tomorrow morning ( that punishes me more than him ughh he thinks 4-5 am is wake up time, the WII has improved my sleep hours tremendously) and the T.V's are off for the night.

Joy

Fat Squirrel's and The Elephant Seals

After Hearst Castle We went on up the road about 2-3 miles and Stopped to see the Elephant seals.

These Squirrels got their picture taken based on the fact that In my life i have never seen fatter squirrels,
Squirrels tend to have very lil fat in summer but this big boy is very tubby I am going to assume everyone feeds them. ALOT, ROFL I wish I coulda taken them home and kept them and all there fluffy goodness hehehe
To be an elephant seal. laying on the beach resting for days and days
Sleeping in the surf no worries of drowning.
Well until another elephant seal got all up in your business

This video is just a small amount of all i saw when we were amongst the elephant seals.

Join our cause The spectrum academy
The money raised from the sale of these passes go straight to benefiting
Children on the Autism spectrum.
Last year, Macy’s raised over $9,500,000 in a single day to benefit charities across America. This year, the sky’s the limit on:
09/20/2008

How do organizations ( spectrum academy) raise funds?
Participating organizations sell $5 shopping passes to the event. Your organization keeps the proceeds from every shopping pass you sell. It’s that simple! By purchasing a shopping pass, customers can support their favorite cause, while enjoying a day full of extraordinary discounts and events throughout the store.
Shop For A Cause Savings Pass:
SFAC Savings Passes entitle the bearer to special savings on select merchandise throughout the store in addition to regular and sale merchandise specials. All day limited exclusion savings pass includes:
20% off* regular, sale & clearance women’s, men’s & kids’ apparel & accessories, fine, bridge & fashion jewelry, bed & bath items, housewares, frames, luggage, China, crystal & silver, all kitchen & personal care electrics & technology items.
10%* off regular & sale furniture, mattresses & rugs.
Plus, open a Macy’s account and get an additional 20% off!
For a list of locations click here
Contact me today to get your pass and help a great cause!

Any one out of state please provide me with address's so i can mail them immediately

Joy Neds your
Ind. Avon Represenative.
Have questions or
want to order call me
At (801-532-1001)
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Teacher's & Aide's

First day of school

I Have been ultra busy the last few weeks with family and responsibilities of being the new PTO vice president of my son's school. ( THANKS JENN ROFLROFL) Yes they made me vp what were they thinking ROFL. Ohh and we want to announce our President is Jenn. yet again what was she thinking ROFLROFL

I wanted to stop and say THANK YOU to all those who helped with Dax's Tutoring. though it wasn't perfect the funds seemed to have paid off and Dax is now in upper first grade math he ended the 07-08 school year at a lower kindergarten level and now has jumped a grad and a half. I think it was money well spent. his reading at least maintained and thats all we really were hoping to do. So i just want to thank everyone that helped out. you will never know how much we appreciated the love you guys showed for Dax.

Dallon also benefited and raised himself up one full grade level in both subjects not bad for one summer.

I will let you all know how you can help dax's & dallon's school in the coming week's

Hearst Castle visitor center

We next went to Hearst castle
They have a wonderful visitors center which is FREE my favorite word. We enjoyed ourselves and were able to show our kids apart of California's history. Dallon loved the lions he thought it was cool how there were the same material but one had not had alot of handling by human hands.
They asked so many questions and seemed to love experience.
Obviously this Castle was built by a man since there were statues of nearly naked woman there also. I have to say it was tasteful though
My ever studious husband is seen here reading all he can on the history and lives of those involved in the Hearst legacy.
This was the end of the Visitors center so we took group photo's and went to look around some more.

More photo's to come.

Elfin forest and day 2

The Elfin Forest is a state park in California.This is a a few of the photo's I took of the area. I love how nature can offer such contrasting images for the eye to behold.
This is the view to the Estuary( salt march).
I have no idea what this flower is called but i just loved how the single flower is blossoming amongst the bramble of a briar patch.
Now what are those wild animals doing in there. shoo go on now. lol
My aunt Louise in her youth worked for the forestry department. She even did campfire tours for awhile. So she really seemed to enjoy showing my kids all about why they have it there and what it is all about. I of course got lost but well I have the ability to think 50 things at once and get lost in thought at a moments notice.

This was the end of day one. after all this we went home and went to bed. exhausted from all the day had brought us.


Now day 2 was spent doing alot of resting and a little bit of birthday shopping with just my grandpa,Louise and myself. We got Dallon star wars Lego's for the WII. since that was the only thing my sweetie wanted.

After that it was home to conversations and rest.

Part 2 of the Neds vacation the Avacado stand and Montana del Oro

After being at Louise's for a an hour or so and freshening up a little. Louise took every one but gram pa ( who was very tired ) To go see some of her favorite spots in the area

Montana Del Oro
Our first stop was at an Avocado farm that is along the highway to the beach.

Yes avocado's are a fruit.

I am a huge fan of avocado's so I was very very happy with this stop. I just love fresh off the farm fruit and vegetables so we picked up a few avocado's for our lunch. We made sure to get a few pictures of the farm and the cute cart they had on site. This cart appeared to be painted in a Slavic style all hand painted very nice and beautiful

The boys look so handsome together and they are so hammy they will do anything to get a photo taken of them even stand in front of a beautiful hand cart.

Dallon and Louise are standing below an Avocado's tree which actually had a few baby avocado's on it. Louise is holding the horde of lovely lunch time avocado's.

She was so generous and provided food for us on most of the day we were there.

It was very nice not having to worry what and where were we gonna eat. plus a home cook meal not cooked by me now that's a treat. I miss it already.

After all our picture fun at the avocado stand. We went on down the highway to our first destination. Montana Del Oro, In California along the coast you will find that along the coast many different types of Beach's are around. They range from cliff to sandy with variations and degrees within 20 miles of each other. This is a small reason why people so love the California coast .I doubt any where in the world will you find so many varying degrees of beach in such a small area.

Montana Del Oro is a rocky beach with a thick sand that is almost like walking in thick quick sand . Never ever wear flip flops to this kind of beach. Of course I did not think of this prior to leaving for the beach so of course I wore my sandals. There are 2 very good reasons not to wear flip flops.

1. They will not stay on your feet half your energy will be used to keep these sandals on.

2. There open toed so the rocks and the sand continually get under your toes. Very annoying and time consuming having to stop every few feet. just to remove the cup of rocks that has migrated under your toes.

These pictures are a prime example of the rocky sand you have to walk in. The plant life seems to love it. My feet ? not so much.

This is a lovely example of the beauty you will find there. I think i spent 50 % of my time collecting rocks and the other 50% taking picture. There was just so much to take in I am sure I could never do it justice. I just loved how the seaweed and rocks just interwove between each other creating an almost picture perfect image.

One thing I love about Rocky beach's is watching the waves. splash, crash and roll across the rocks. I find this so soothing and relaxing. It just amazes me how much beauty there is in this world. and California got more than there fair share for sure.

Dallon and Derrick seemed to really enjoy walking the beach together. They were very inseparable and at times alternating from walking silently to trying to find that hidden treasure that all little boys crave. Grown boy's are obviously no exception.

Even Dax joined in the hunt for buried treasure's.

Never before had they seen seaweed or ocean for that matter, so exploration was definitely in order. Hours of fun was had by all. This beach had all a boy could hope for.

1. Treasure's of the sea

2.Something to pretend was attacking you.

3.Mountains to conquer

3.Water to explore

4.Islands to claim as your own.

After we finished exploring we ate a nice lunch of cold cuts and avocado sandwich's. It was the yummiest sand which I have had in a long time.

We then packed up the bag and off to the Elfin forest we went, but that and much more of are trip is for another time.

Part 3 coming soon...

What I have done

Here goes...I read this on Cynthia's blog and liked it. All you have to do is put an * by the item you did.





1. Touched an iceberg
2. Slept under the stars*
3. Been a part of a hockey fight
4. Changed a baby's diaper*
5. Watched a meteor shower*
6. Given more than you can afford to charity* I have to watch myself on this I am sometimes too generouse so i have to limit what I do.
7. Swam with wild dolphins
8. Climbed a mountain*
9. Held a tarantula* EWWWWWW
10. Said "I love you" and meant it*
11. Bungee jumped*
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long and watched the sun rise*
15. Seen the Northern Lights*
16. Gone to a huge sports game *
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables*Sooo Yummy
19. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope*
20. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment* i am notouriouse at bad timing laughter.
21. Had a pillow fight*
22. Bet on a winning horse *
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill*
24. Built a snow fort*
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping*
27. Taken an ice cold bath*
28. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar*
29. Seen a total eclipse*
30. Ridden a roller coaster*
31. Hit a home run
32. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking*
33. Adopted an accent for fun*
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors*
35. Felt very happy about your life, even for just a moment*
36. Loved your job 90% of the time*
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Watched wild whales
39. Gone rock climbing*
40. Gone on a midnight walk on the beach
41. Gone sky diving
42. Visited Ireland
43. Ever bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant*
44. Visited India
45. Bench-pressed your own weight
46. Milked a cow*
47. Alphabetized your personal files
48. Ever worn a superhero costume*
49. Sung karaoke*
50. Lounged around in bed all day*
51. Gone scuba diving
52. Kissed in the rain*
53. Played in the mud*
54. Gone to a drive-in theater*
55. Done something you should regret, but don't*
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business*
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Been in a movie*
60. Gone without food for 3 days*
61. Made cookies from scratch*
62. Won first prize in a costume contest* I was a mime while pregnant with dax and won 100.00 for first prize
63. Got flowers for no reason*
64. Been in a combat zone
65. Spoken more than one language fluently
66. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone*
67. Bounced a check*
68. Read - and understood - your credit report*
69. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy*
70. Found out something significant that your ancestors did*
71. Called or written your Congress person
72. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over*
73. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
74. Helped an animal give birth*
75. Been fired or laid off from a job*
76. Won money*
77. Broken a bone
78. Ridden a motorcycle*
79. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph*
80. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
81. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
82. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
83. Eaten sushi*
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read The Bible cover to cover
86. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about*
87. Gotten someone fired for their actions*
88. Gone back to school *
89. Changed your name*
90. Caught a fly in the air with your bare hands*
91. Eaten fried green tomatoes
92. Read The Iliad*
93. Taught yourself an art from scratch*
94. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
95. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt*
96. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language*
97. Been elected to public office
98. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream*
99. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
100. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you*
101. Had a booth at a street fair*
102. Dyed your hair*
103. Been a DJ
104. Rocked a baby to sleep*
105. Dropped a cat from a high place to see if it really lands on all fours*
106. Raked your carpet
107. Brought out the best in people
108. Brought out the worst in people*
109. Worn a mood ring*
110. Ridden a horse*
11. Carved an animal from a piece of wood or bar of soap*
112. Cooked a dish where four people asked for the recipe*
113. Buried a child (I pray I never do)
114. Gone to a Broadway Play
115. Been inside the pyramids
116. Shot a basketball into a basket*
117. Danced at a disco*
118. Played in a band
119. Shot a bird
120. Gone to an arboretum*
121. Tutored someone*
122. Ridden a train*
123. Brought an old fad back into style
124. Eaten caviar
125. Let a salesman talk you into something you didn’t need*
126. Ridden a giraffe or elephant
127. Published a book
128. Pieced a quilt*
129.Lived in an historic place
130. Acted in a play or performed on a stage*
131. Asked for a raise*
132. Made a hole-in-one*
133. Gone deep sea fishing
134. Gone roller skating*
135. Run a marathon
136. Learned to surf
137. Invented something
138. Flown first class
139. Spent the night in a 5-star luxury suite*( SO NICE!!)
140. Flown in a helicopter
141. Visited Africa
142. Sang a solo*
143. Gone spelunking
144. Learned how to take a compliment
145. Written a love-story
146. Seen Michelangelo’s David
147. Had your portrait painted*
148. Written a fan letter
149. Spent the night in something haunted
150. Owned a St. Bernard or Great Dane
151. Ran away*
152. Learned to juggle*
153. Been a boss *
154. Sat on a jury
155. Lied about your weight*
156. Gone on a diet*
157. Found an arrowhead or a gold nugget
158. Written a poem*
159. Carried your lunch in a lunchbox*
160. Gotten food poisoning*
161. Gone on a service, humanitarian or religious mission
162. Hiked the Grand Canyon
163. Sat on a park bench and fed the ducks*
164. Gone to the opera*
165. Gotten a letter from someone famous*
166. Worn knickers
167. Ridden in a limousine*
168. Attended the Olympics
169. Can hula or waltz*
170. Read a half dozen Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys books
171. Been stuck in an elevator*
172. Had a revelatory dream*
173. Thought you might crash in an airplane*
174. Had a song dedicated to you on the radio or at a concert*
175. Saved someone’s life*
176. Eaten raw whale
177. Know how to tat, smock or do needlepoint*
178. Laughed till your side hurt*
79. Straddled the equator
180. Taken a photograph of something other than people that is worth framing*
181. Gone to a Shakespeare Festival
.182. Sent a message in a bottle*
183. Spent the night in a hostel
184. Been a cashier*
185. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
186. Joined a union
187. Donated blood or plasma*
188. Built a campfire*
189. Kept a blog*
190. Had hives*
191. Worn custom made shoes or boots
192. Made a PowerPoint presentation
193. Taken a Hunter’s Safety Course
194. Served at a soup kitchen*
195. Conquered the Rubik’s cube
196. Know CPR*
197. Ridden in or owned a convertible*
198. Found a long lost friend*
199. Helped solve a crime